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The Head and the Heart - Winter Song

Tell me somethin', give me hope for the night

We don't know how we feel

We're just prayin' that we're doin' this right

Though that's not the way it seems

I'm not the mama who looks put together all {most/any} of the time. 

I'm not the mama with floors you could eat off of {even though sometimes we do}.

I'm not the mama who cries on the first day of school. 

I'm not the mama who misses having a tiny helpless baby. 

I'm not the mama who looks back very often.

I am the mama who keeps trying. The one who looks around and ahead. 

I am the mama who spends {almost} every single day with my boy. 

I am the mama who lets my {attempted} style shoot turn into playtime. 

I'm not the mama who starts her New Year's Resolution on January 1st. 

But I am the one who's starting it now. 

I spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted to resolve for 2014. I obviously want to get in better shape, be more organized, get better at waking up without {wanting to} murdering anyone... blah blah blah. You're bored already. No, this year I wanted to dedicate myself to something that brought me joy instead of restriction, while still making me better. I've been so inspired over the past several months by mamas like Mary Beth of Annapolis and Co and her photography in #theeverydayproject. What a lovely way to bring people together and build each other up! 

So, {getting to the point, I promise} my new year's dedication is to the #notthemamawho project on instagram. It's a place to post my thoughts, fears, joys, accomplishments, and everything else motherhood means, and to share beautiful {or horrifying} photos. 

I hope you'll think about joining me, whether you have kids, want kids, or don't want kids, everybody has {had} a mama... consider posting! The only requirement is honesty, and it's simple to participate - just use the #notthemamawho on your instagram and Facebook posts. I hope it will be a place where we find empathy and support. I'm so excited to begin!

Download the song here.

Noah and the Whale - 5 Years Time

And though it's nearly all these moments 

Are just in my head

I'll be thinking 'bout them as I'm lying in bed

And I know that it nearly that it might not even come true

But in my mind I'm havin' a pretty good time with you 

Laying here trying to fall asleep, I realized Worth is 18 months old today.  

I looked through my phone for a picture to post, I only took one in the past several days - him on the couch today with his sweet friends Maylie and Lydia, holding his lovey, and unable to look away from the TV.

At first I was angry at myself for not taking more pictures, I wanted something better than a crappy iPhone photo to commemorate this milestone, but then I was happy of myself. Instead of capturing life, I've been busy living it.

And it is so, so good. 

Download the song here.

Ryan Adams - Let it Ride

Let it ride

Let it ride easy down the road

Let it ride

Let it take away all of this darkness

Let it ride

Let it rock me in the arms of strangers, angels until it brings me home

Let it ride

Let it roll

Let it go

If you read my last post, you're aware that BJ turned 30 last {a couple of) weeks ago. We had that party, and then we had this trip. {Seriously, Babe, the bar is set. Better get to work, you've only got 2 years to plan...}

BJ and I hadn't had a vacation since before Worth was born, and we hadn't seen our California friends since we left California. It was the a perfect double-whammy. 

We took beautiful {if horribly uncomfortable} drives up the coast, had some fun on ATVs {and debates about what their proper name is}, had some self-timer photo fun, we stargazed, sunbathed, boogie boarded {ish}, sun-setted, fished {ish}, built {smashed} sandcastles, kissed, and generally loved life.

Photo credit: Tim Pumpkin Hedrick

Photo credit: Tim Pumpkin Hedrick

Photo credit: Tim Pumpkin Hedrick

Photo credit: Tim Pumpkin Hedrick

Photo credit: Tim Pumpkin Hedrick

Photo credit: Tim Pumpkin Hedrick

Photo credit: Tim Pumpkin Hedrick

We came home tan {I came home tan} and rested and ready for anything! Except cold weather. Cold weather is stupid.

I'm never ready to go.

Happy Birthday, Babe.

Download the song here.

Firecracker - Ryan Adams

Well, everybody wants to go forever

I just wanna burn up hard and bright

I just wanna be your firecracker...

BJ turned 30 last week. We celebrated. A lot. {Set an impossible standard for him to live up to on MY 30th!} 

Ahem. First, we had a party. 

Obviously, I blocked out my phone number on the large likelihood that my blog goes viral and I get super-famous overnight. I'm a very practical person. 

I'm a bit of a theme-whore. Pinterest has not done good things for my hostessing-related OCD. 

But if you're a party guest of mine, it has done good things for you. Unless, of course, you're my husband and these giant images of you were plastered everywhere:

Is that remote irritating {driving batsh*t crazy} anyone else?

You'll have to forgive me, a recent trip to Mexico has turned me into Yoda. English is not currently my first language, due to the thinking of how to be saying the things in Spanish. 

Like I said, lots with the celebrating. More on that later. 

Sidenote: I'm getting soooo much better with photoshop, don't you think? Ha.

All the best people were there, {except those of you who weren't} our whole family (who were a HUGE help! Thank you ALL!), lots of coworkers/friends, and even little Matty! He and BJ have been best friends since high school and hadn't seen each other in 3.5 years. 

Sidenote II: He's the genius {balls out amazing artist} behind Rogue Crow and I can't wait for him to make it big so I can say I know him and stuff. Check him out here.

Also, I suck at getting pictures of people together so here is a very complicated {definitely wrong} math equation to make me feel better about sucking at getting pictures of people together:

(Emily + Matt) + (Sarah + Dahl + Emily + Christian) + (Sarah + BJ + Me x Lorax mustache on my eyebrows?) = Matt & BJ forever!

Three conclusions - 1. Sarah had the best {most terrifying} mustache by far. 2. The fact that I used "math" to make myself feel better empirically proves that I need more social occasions such as this. 3. The look on my face empirically proves that I needed less wine than I had had at this point in the evening...

It was a wonderful night and lots of fun was had. You should have been there. 

And finally, Sarah for the win. What a babe.

You can download the song here.

The Wild Hunt - Tallest Man on Earth

I left my heart to the wild hunt a-comin'

I live until the call

And I plan to be forgotten when I'm gone

Yes I'll be leavin' in the fall...

The delicious smell of Autumn is here, it is as crisp as fresh-picked apples and as cool as a clear-running stream. It is the scent of seasons turning over as people start to burn things in their fireplaces and pack away their sandals. The farmers' markets are bursting at the seams with enormous squash and pumpkins. Soon I'll make butternut apple soup and pumpkin risotto cakes. I'll drink hot chocolate in the mornings instead of tea, and wear BJ's sweaters so I can joyfully gain my "hibernation weight". Back home, the fields will start to turn gold and the horses will kick and buck and run for no apparent reason. They are invigorated, as I am, with this delectable, drinkable air.  


Midwestern Fall is the thing I missed most in California {except for YOU, dear Family Member or Friend reading this...} Yes, October in San Francisco is beautiful in an entirely different Indian Summer sort of way, and eventually the leaves turn yellowish and fall off the trees, but when stepping on them one can't get a proper "crunch". That's a deal-breaker for me. And they often didn't turn until January. It threw off my internal clock in all sorts of ways... This year, Kansas just feels right and my body soul knows I'm home. 

The other night BJ and I built a fire, turned on some music, and relaxed in our backyard. It is the simplest of things that are always the best for me. 

Life just feels richer this time of year, don't you think?

I snapped this in a CVS parking lot the other day. The trees are bursting into glorious flames and beauty is everywhere. If I could choose any month for any thing to happen it would be October. Good things are made better, hell, bad things are made better by the wonder of this season. 

It is fitting that JoAnn Bennett Ida was born on this day. Every year on October 22 I celebrate her life with a few ice-cubes and some cheap Chardonnay. I suppose I should also have a few potato sticks and some mayonnaise, but I like to think Noni is having enough for both of us. 

I found this photo of her in a book. On the back in my grandfather's handwriting is simply written: JoAnn. On her face is simply written: happiness. 

You can download the song here. 

Ellie Goulding - How Long Will I Love You?

"How long will I love you?
As long as stars are above you
And longer if I can..."

Look what I got to help with {twice!} in the last month - Twinnies! 

Tara of Tara Miesner Photography is my favorite photographer and best friend in the whole wide world. She is amazing with these little ones and I am constantly in awe of her knowledge and skill. 

In the world of digital photography it would seem that anyone can grab a DSLR, a copy of photoshop and voilà: have the perfect photo! In reality, a tremendous amount of skill and hard work  goes into creating those beautiful images. Here is a tiny peek at what goes on behind the scenes...

 

All four little guys were so fun to snuggle, {my ovaries are aaaaaching!} and watching Tara work never ceases to amaze me. 

Check out my instagram {@caitlinashworth} for a video from the first shoot. 

Tara is truly a professional, no quotation marks required. She soothes, wiggles, and {when necessary} composites these little darlings into the beautiful poses you can see on her website. Link above.) Above all, she keeps the babes safe and comfy!

I am so fortunate to have life-long friends, I know a lot of people never get to experience that and sometimes I take it for granted. Tara and I have been friends for {almost} 25 years, and there's no doubt that we'll be friends for {at least!} 25 more. 

I am grateful for our friendship every. single. day. 

Tara is a wonderful example of how to follow your dreams. I don't think it ever occurred to her not to, and she makes it look so easy! She gives the best advice, and has this amazing way of helping you see the up-side without making you want to slap her... I still haven't figured out her secret to that! She's a sweet, loving mother, and a wonderful patient wife - but she's also a REAL person. She's my person, and I love her so. 



Ahem... anywho... to see the finished product you can check her out on Facebook here, on her blog here, or click the link earlier in the post to view her full website. 

And, as always, you can download the song here.